Hayden Panettiere opens up about navigating postpartum depression after the arrival of her daughter more than a decade ago.
“I had everything planned in my head, and since the plans just fell apart, it was time to give birth, and I was completely out of control, and suddenly I became this … Us Weekly Cover story, while developing his new memory, It's Me: Counting.
He continued, “That was torture. [It] it was sad. I am a perfectionist in so many ways that being a good mother was at least that, very important to me. And such a painful blow when I can't have, even a decent mother, in my mind. “
Panettiere became a mother for the first time in December 2014 when she and her ex-husband Wladimir Klitschko adopted daughter Kaya Evdokia Klitschko. The former couple split later in August 2018, and Panettiere made the difficult decision to give up full custody of their child while suffering from severe postpartum depression and addiction to alcohol and opioids. As a result, Kaya moved to Ukraine to live with Klitschko, 50.
“It was painful,” Panettiere said, recalling the day Klitschko gave him the papers to sign to get full custody of their daughter. It was a nightmare, and I felt out of control. There was nothing I could do about it.
In retrospect, Panettiere admitted that he's not sure he fully processed the situation.
“I feel like I'd be lying if I said, until now, I've been able to fully process those feelings in a healthy way,” she said. “I had to find out, there was no other option for me, but to find out how to retreat.”
Now, Panettiere shared that he has a “good” relationship with both Klitschko and Kaya.
Sharing their stories. Reese Witherspoon, Behati Prinsloo and many famous mothers have spoken openly about their postpartum depression. Witherspoon had “different experiences” after the birth of each of her children, she told Jameela Jamil in April 2020 on her “I Weigh” podcast. “[With] one child, I had a kind of soft delivery, too [with] one child, I […]
“I can't even put it into words. She's such a gift,” Panettiere said of her daughter. “She's an incredible person. She's foreign and sweet and kind and fierce and loving and surrounded by good people and good friends, and it's amazing to me to be able to see her thrive in places that I struggled with growing up.”
In Panettiere's forthcoming memoir, It's Me: Countingactor pulls back the curtain on his private moments – including his breakup with Klitschko and his ex Heroes the costar Milo Ventimiglia.
“I was shocked,” Panettiere said of her initial reaction to being asked to write the book. “The first thought that came to my mind was, 'Am I ready to write a book about my life?' Then I started thinking about my life and I said, 'Gosh, truth is stranger than fiction. I have more news to share.' I hope that by sharing them in this book, it helps people to overcome the obstacles they face.”
It's Me: Counting will be released on May 19.
For more on Panettiere, watch the exclusive video above and pick up the latest issue of Us Weekly – on newsstands now.
