Dogma's Friend's Predictions Have Come True in a Terrible Way, Sign Up for Jesus+ Now!
By Chris Snellgrove | Published
Back in 1999, Kevin Smith completed the millennium Doctrinearguably the most important film he ever made. His previous films focused on more down-to-earth stories, including the travails of a retail job and the joys of spending time at a local mall. By comparison, Doctrine followed by the adventures of two angels trying to return to Heaven and the heroes who must stop them from destroying the world. Along the way, Smith also brutally misrepresented the Christian faith with the character of Cardinal Glick, who tried to sell the public on Buddy Christ, a comical figure of Jesus who always raised his thumbs.
As part of Glick's speech, he explained why he wanted Buddy Christ to take the place of the crucifixion: that it gave everyone who saw it “good reinforcement that whatever we do, God thinks it's 'Okay.'” At the time, young me was shaking my head at Smith's sneer at a society that wanted to be Almighty and rubber stamp. Now, however, it seems that Smith was a prophet: tech company Just Like Me is selling access to an AI-powered Jesus for the low, low price of $1.99 a minute.
You are Ri$en
The idea of people talking to AI chatbots isn't terribly new: in fact, people chat, argue, and date dozens of bots every day. But what Just Like Me does is target Christians who long for a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. For $1.99 a minute (or $49.99 a month for 45 minutes), users can talk to an AI bot trained on the King James Bible and a series of unspoken sermons. Visually, the bot is modeled after actor Jonathan Roumie, who (thanks to the long hair and patina of heavenly light) really is. it does look like Jesus.
Personally, I have many doubts about this app. As someone who grew up going to church, this seems like a clear violation of the Second Commandment, which tells people not to make idols of God or Jesus. Under religion, this seems to be a indeed bad way to take people's money. Like, who needs evangelistic grifters when you've got Jesus himself asking you to upgrade to a paid subscription? And, let's be real: in the best case, this thing will lie to vulnerable people who are looking for someone they can trust. In the worst case, this will create case after case of religious psychosis.
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As a big fan of Kevin Smith, though, I'm excited about how this AI-powered Jesus portrays Buddy Christ Doctrine. In the film, Cardinal Glick explains how he wanted Jesus to give everyone the thumbs up to give “good reinforcement” in “whatever we do.” This is, of course, what AI is notorious for: telling users what they want to hear.
Glick also described Buddy Christ as the “joyful Jesus” he wanted to replace the “completely depressing image” of the cross. Sarcastically, he asked the crowd, “Don't you just see it in chains around people's necks, and as a new background in avant-garde MTV videos?” The Jesus chatbot from Just Like Me really fits this idea because the developers of the app are not trying to develop an image of Jesus that will challenge beliefs and strengthen one's faith. Like the fictional Cardinal Glick, they just want to bring Christ back, turning this spiritual leader into an empty vessel filled with equally empty AI voices.
Your Karma Exceeded My Teaching
Make no mistake: apps like these are designed to prey on people, and those of faith are especially vulnerable because, by definition, they want someone else to direct their lives. The Jesus app from Just Like Me is one of many that will give spiritual advice to your friends and family members, especially the elderly. Before they completely empty their wallets for this sculpture, be sure to watch Doctrine with them. That way, they will learn the danger of Buddy Christ, and, with Glick's tragic fate, the danger of supporting it.
Otherwise, they might just read how hot Salma Hayek looks as an artist. Either way, I call that a win!
