LA Mayor Karen Bass gave what sounded like a victory speech Tuesday night.
Councilor Nithya Raman gave what was almost like a consent speech.
And former reality TV star Spencer Pratt delivered a message from the heavens.
“Yeah, obviously God wanted me to spend another five months exposing all the failures of our mayor, so it's going to be a fun ride,” Pratt said. “I hope he is ready.”
Assuming Pratt holds onto one of the two spots in the Nov. 3 general election as the final votes are counted in the next few days, the smart money would be on Bass, for reasons I'll get into in a moment.
But the supreme figure and protector of all popes should be considered a wild card. For the first time, as far as I know, the incumbent mayor of the City of Angels will face an opponent whose campaign manager is God Almighty.
So here we go. We may be entering one of the most remarkable election events in the city's history, with a freshman and conservative MAGA taking on the liberals in a blue-collar town and a state full of people tired of hearing excuses from Democrats. (If Raman ends up firing Pratt, I'm sorry for getting to the end. But it's not my fault. The devil made me do it.)
If you intend to follow closely, as you should, maybe you can help me count the times Pratt played the faith card. I went to St. Peter Martyr School and I went to a church with the same name, and I don't remember hearing a monk or priest reject God's name as often as Pratt.
In fact, I just watched a clip of Pratt talking to Fox News TV host and Donald Trump disciple Kayleigh McEnany, and in the space of one minute and 52 seconds, he mentioned God or Jesus 10 times.
“Thankfully, I married an angel who was very connected to Jesus and brought me into the light,” Pratt said of his wife and TV co-star Heidi Montag. “It gave me strength to just pray and be in his path and say, 'God, if you want me to save these animals, save these people and save my city, just keep putting me in a position to do that.'”
Are you running for mayor or cardinal?
Look, I totally respect your typical true believer. But I'm not at all comfortable with a mayor who might be sitting around City Hall waiting for signs and smoke signals rather than knowing what to do on his own.
God has a lot in his bowl. He could be busy multiplying fish and loaves so that people don't starve because of the president's taxes and warming. Will you rush to answer a prayer for guidance about underfunded parks or broken sidewalks in Los Angeles?
How did we get here, you ask?
Well, Pratt is an AI creation, in a way. A combination of types. Combine the power of social media, political insurgency, second-rate celebrity obsession and the Peter Principle, and here's a little Trump puppet walking around LA like he's the elect.
Add to that the real essence of his appeal to other voters:
Los Angeles has problems. Big problems that aren't being fixed fast enough or at all, and Pratt represents an angry voter who wants to know why City Hall can't do better and where all the money went. He is absolutely right when he says that we should not have people living on the streets, using drugs on the streets and dying on the streets.
But if Pratt is in the general election instead of Raman, we are in a national media circus rather than a conference on solutions. Raman is well-versed in parallel issues and could push back against Bass in big, detailed ways. On the other hand, as Pratt has rightly argued, Raman heads the City Council's homeless committee, so isn't he to blame for the failure he's trying to pin on Bass?
As for Pratt's chops, he hasn't responded to my requests to meet. In my absence, and because of his careful avoidance of local reporters who know their stuff, I read his platform on his campaign website and I can tell you that while he touches on many of the right issues – public safety, financial integrity, homelessness – his attention to detail and depth of knowledge are not God-given strengths.
Perhaps Pratt can deliver on his promise of a “treatment-led recovery model that addresses mental illness and addiction as the primary drivers of chronic homelessness.” But that would require an act of God (which I think is possible because of their relationship), because those matters are primarily under the jurisdiction of the county, not the city.
This is the big problem here. Bass was hitable, and could be pushed by a bigger opponent to do better.
In the last election, Rick Caruso scared him. That was because he had some depth in the issues, he was a successful businessman and he liked to help people, he had served on the police commission and the water and power board, he built relationships around the city and, along with his family, he spent time and millions of dollars in underserved communities.
In this election, it looks like Bass might get lucky and face a guy who lost his house in the Palisades fire, saw a few homeless people out his car window, and decided he wanted to be mayor. Some may question his anger, but before they learn that he was sent by God.
If you count, that's nine mentions of God so far in this column.
One over a tie, an eye toward another five months of campaign fodder.
Thank you, God.
