Kevin Costner Accidentally Starts a Civil War and Steals Your Wife in R-Rated, Post-Apocalyptic Hero's Journey
Written by Robert Scucci | Published
I have a lot to say about the 1997s The Postman that I don't even know where to start. The first thing I will say is that Kevin Costner has proven himself to be a credible leading man. Field of Dreams (1989) and Dances with wolves (1990) made waves on the big screen, too Yellowstone it wasn't the same after breaking up with Tyler Sheridan to focus on his Western vanity project, Horizon: An American Saga. What I have noticed about Kevin Costner, however, is that he has a tough hero and doesn't seem very interested in being part of a team.
You can trace this attitude back to 1995 The land of waterwhich is basically Mad Max with boats. The film was considered a dud upon its release due to its hefty budget and disappointing box office returns, but audiences have come to appreciate it over the years for its hard-to-replicate charm.
The Postman it's a completely different animal because Costner works as director as well as star. He's not just an actor following someone else's vision, and he's so committed to creating his character's mythology that he might as well be Steven Seagal. Oh, and it's about three hours long, which is worth mentioning because money comes and goes, relationships change, but time is one thing you can't get back.
177 Minutes of Kevin Costner Thinking He's Beautiful
Set in the future year of 2013, The Postman follows a drifter played by Kevin Costner. He goes from society to society reciting Shakespeare in exchange for three hots and a bed. He doesn't know Shakespeare at all, but it's enough to impress General Bethlehem (Will Patton), the leader of a militia known as the Holnists, who captures him and tries to teach him.
No joke, when it's time for Kevin Costner to match the mind with Bethlehem, he says, “To be or not to be…” and this is apparently enough for a man to think that he is an intellectual and scholar who deserves respect, as long as he doesn't step out of line. Still, Costner escapes and seeks refuge in an abandoned mail truck, burning letters one by one for light and warmth while hiding in Bethlehem with his loyal army. Suddenly, he has a brilliant idea: he will dress up as a postman, appear in a nearby neighborhood, and use his disguise to find food, drink, and a place to sleep.
He stumbles upon a small town called Pineview, and his plan works much better than expected. In fact, his mere presence threatens Pineview Sheriff Briscoe (Daniel von Bargen), who knows he's just a running game but can't prove it. During his stay, Kevin Costner, who is acting very well, is approached by Abby (Olivia Williams), who wastes no time in asking him to get her pregnant. Abby's husband, Michael (Charles Esten), is infertile and has no doubts that Kevin Costner is playing the uglies with his wife so they can finally have a baby.
After promising everyone in Pineview that he's completely legit, he's not a scammer, and he's committed to delivering mail to and from their community, Kevin Costner, who I now feel free to call “The Postman,” meets one of the local youth, a guy who calls himself Ford Lincoln Mercury (Larenz Tate) and wants to deliver that sweet mail. Without legal authority because he doesn't really have one, the Postman hires a Ford Lincoln Mercury, and the two act as couriers throughout the film.
When Your Program Goes Back
The previous paragraph might seem like I gave away the entire movie, but I need to remind you that this abomination is three hours long, and we haven't even gotten past the first act. For the sake of brevity, I will speed things up and get to the real conflict The Postman: General Bethlehem. I literally forgot about General Bethlehem after what I would consider a great amount of world building for a movie about a guy who wants to work for the post office. When he came up again, my immediate reaction was, “Oh yeah, that guy.”
Despite being such a scholar, General Bethlehem somehow doesn't understand that the mail-dressed Kevin Costner is the same Kevin Costner who impressed him with his silly, first-grade Shakespearean performance at the beginning of the film. Unknowingly, and perhaps unknowingly, this whole plot escalates into a full-blown civil war because the Holnists want to keep their power, and Bethlehem becomes convinced that the American government is slowly regaining its former glory because the Postal Service is said to be working again.
That's right. In his mind, the mail being delivered by horse from Oregon to New York within a few months means that his empire is about to collapse.
on the way, The Postman and Abby fulfills her husband's wishes, and she becomes pregnant. He eventually leaves Pineview but is attacked by men from Bethlehem, who leave him seriously injured. Abby finds him, and the two seek shelter in the cabin while he recovers, making sure to make fun of his cooking every time he has enough energy to do so. Abby almost drowned in the icy river, too The Postman he saves him. He is burning the closet so he will be forced to continue his work because here he seems to be smart. Mail is delivered, news spreads about the “Restored US Government,” and Bethlehem grows increasingly violent as war approaches.
The Best Unintended Jokes of the 90s
As silly as this all sounds, and it is, I spent most of my time watching The Postman I laughed so hard. The most obvious reason is that everyone plays it completely straight, and James Newton Howard's score is hilarious and winning. This is, at its core, a story about a postman. He remembers Tang and the astronaut before telling Abby that she's weird or that her face is pretty. Meanwhile, the string section has a glorious crescendo you might hear in a Lord of the Rings movie before a big battle.
Even funnier is the entire hero journey the Postman finds himself on. He dresses up as a dead mailer and wanders around town looking to get laid before he tries the same scam elsewhere. In just a few days, he leads a resistance movement against General Bethlehem's army while trying to restore the long-lost sanctity of American sovereignty. They fought on horses. Molotov cocktails were thrown through the windows of the post office. Tom Petty comes on for a minute, and I still don't know why. Kevin Costner rode a zipline.
It's funny because this guy just wanted to keep drifting from town to town, collecting free beans and hardtack wherever he could. But his little plan works so well that he somehow becomes the most important man in post-apocalyptic history. That's like me trying to fraudulently reuse a BOGO coupon to make bulk paper towels at Kroger and somehow end up President. I can't express enough how stupid this all is.
Listen, I'm not saying stop what you're doing and watch The Postman. It is not currently included in any major streaming subscriptions. But if you've got four dollars to spare, you can rent this epic disaster on-demand via Apple TV+, YouTube, or Fandango Home.
